OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
