My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
