plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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