it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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