Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
