Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You ruined the universe
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