then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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