she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
