I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize