wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
