This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
