There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
