Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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