i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
