she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
