So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize