My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
