If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
