Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
