I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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