I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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