I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize