I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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