If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Randomize
