I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
