Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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