Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize