Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
