so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
