Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
