Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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