My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
