This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
