so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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