She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize