Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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