I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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