I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
