I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
