I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
