I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
