I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
