Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
