I want to stick my p in your. b.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
