if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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