Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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