she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
