Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
