I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
