I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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