Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
