Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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