go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
