i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
