I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
