Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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