Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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