I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
