he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
