fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
