...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
