That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
