dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
