So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
