escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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