Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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