I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
