She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
