it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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