I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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