i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
