South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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