Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
