You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize