my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
