It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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