i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Please don't give away my fajitas
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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