Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
