Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
