Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
