It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
