cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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