census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
